May 22, 2013
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Heart of Moore (edit)
The house is quiet, with the exception of a few birds outside my window.
My heart is heavy, they encourage me to sing again.
But it’s hard.
After three years, I still struggle with survivor’s guilt.I know it’s not rational.
It’s just so freaking hard to move on
when so many are staring at massive miles of rubble
asking, now what.So you do what you can do.
You send a check.
You pack little baggies of toiletries.
You gather.But, it will never be enough
to end this ache in my soul.Meteorology Man and the boys left early this morning with shovels and chainsaws in hand.This is how the men folk cope. They rip into the piles of chaos, releasing what could not be released in tears. They are heroes. Though they will never admit it.
Along with those who open their doors to strangers,
who care for the lost and wounded canines,
who ensure children have blankets and stuffed animals to make them feel safe again.Those who bring a bottle of water,
a sandwich,
a hand to hold.Who open their ranch gates to shaken horses,
loading their trailers with supplies from cities all over,
and making the trip to designated drop off centers.Because when people are hurting,
something arises in us and we drop everything to do what we can.I love that about people.
Macy wrote the words so beautifully.
She was feeling a bit helpless,
but found such a loving way to help raise funds for the victims.
They have created this metal sculpture of Oklahoma with the heart of Moore,
which can be purchased through the PioneerArtisanworks etsy site for $10.
All proceeds going to Victory Disaster Relief.If you feel this is a way you can help the people of Moore, Oklahoma, I thank you.
I also want to thank you for all of your kind words for my Oklahoma and her people.You is good peoples and I wish I could hold every single one of you in my arms.
Since I don’t do chainsaws, I am going to go cry a few more tears into the fur of my red dun mare.
I love you.
edit: OBL has a glorious post on survivor’s guilt. I put my face into my hands and cried. And then I had this overwhelming sensation to eat fresh salsa. That’s when I discovered my hands smell like cilantro. My Oklahoma sun has finally returned today and I’ve been digging in my gardens. Good therapy doesn’t get any better than sun, digging in the dirt and the sweet words of a friend. And fresh salsa.
Comments (30)
you do know personally that there is never enough you can do for someone in the midst of losing everything. but you do know something that they don’t yet comprehend. they will get through this, just as you did. and every little thing, no matter how insignificant we think it may be–every teeny act of kindness and compassion-helps towards rebuilding their lives. continued prayers for you and all of oklahoma–karen
Wish I could get over there with a chainsaw. There’s a lot of satisfaction in manual labor. When one of our favorite cats died some years ago, my son dug the grave, very vigorously, by himself. A few years before, I remember him crying, brokenhearted, because a pet lizard had died. Now as a teenager he didn’t cry, but he dug.
So true about how men and wowen grieve differently. Hope that the tears and chainsaws can make a dent in the ache. My continues prayers for all…
love you tamy!
Thinking of all those in Moore right now, and remembering two years ago today, Joplin.
this was beautifully written! Know that you are loved and many prayers are being lifted up on behalf of Oklahoma………
::: hugs ::: (Don’t have any words)
Lotsa (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and ♥♥♥♥♥♥
You, my dear, sweet lady… there are no words. I give you, and everyone, my love. {{{HUGS}}}
My town is sending supplies to Moore, we love all of you guys!! <3 ((my grandmother was from Enid))
So very difficult because YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. Some of us, who have never lost our home/belongings/family members to a tornado can only guess how hard it could be. Devastation…utter devastation…loss of life…loss of jobs…Horrible
Peace to you and may the good Lord help people to see any small bright light in this very dark place.
Love You More…and…Moore
Thinking of you.
It is so much easier to work the grief out, but spreading the word and reminding people of what they can do long-distance is quite important as well. You have such a wonderful family. <3
We are with you , you all,Tamy . What a pity !.
Michel
Love you sweet lady and am sending tons of hugs and loves your way. Survivor guilt is normal for anyone who survived a disaster of any kind-from tornadoes, to child abuse and everything inbetween.
We live, and we survive when others do not, so that we can be an example that it does get better and that it is doable. There is a reason for every survivor and they are an example of the path for others to follow. All survivors leave the light on for others to see and be able to know they can do and someone understands without even words.That is why you are here and that is why all survivors are here.Hugs and loves.
Manual labor is the best kind of therapy. What I wouldn’t give to be out there with a shovel and a wheelbarrow (I’ve never wielded a chainsaw and I don’t intend to).
I love you. I love your heart.
<3
You are helping, Tamy, by posting this art work. I will buy one for my house, certainly.
Oh, your precious heart! And the precious heart of Moore!!!
You, your wonderful family, and your beloved, precious state of Oklahoma have our tears, prayers, sympathy, thoughts, and love! And we are getting involved in helping OK through the Red Cross!
Cry your tears…they are healing…and so precious to God he gathers them and keeps them…Psalms 56:8…David says to God, “You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle.”
HUGS!!!
Sometimes when you hear the warning sounds of a tornado, it is sort of too late.
It is kind of too late to go to the basement shelter that you do not have.
It is kind of too late to hug the ones you love and it is time to cower and cover yourself.
When it is over, it is time to recover. To regain your composure and thank the Lord for your salvation. Then it is time to work, grieve and reflect upon all that happened.
Good luck to you Tammy, you are still among us survivors. Good luck to all us survivors and may we fulfill our duties and responsibilities.
You are such a sweetheart, Tamy! Prayers going up! Sometimes the things we want to do are very different than the things we can do. I want to go help. I am not physically able. The Lord gives us different things we can do where we are. I get the survivor’s guilt thing. BTDT! It is not an easy thing to deal with. My heart and prayers are with Oklahoma and her awesome people.
Love you, sweet friend!
I’m from southside OKC. . .and I used to be a bit more wellknown on xanga but lately I’ve been mia. Take some selfcare and know your limits. We can all only do so much, but that little bit can change a life.
I’m shocked by how many of my friends lost their homes and businesses. . .its terrible. Sending love your way.
The world needs more of people like you and your family
I never knew, I never knew
Dear Tamy,
As you say, you’re a survivor. I don’t think those who survive should feel any guilt. The universe chooses. Some of us perish early. Some live long lives. Some are cut down by weather and forces of nature. Some are left standing. Sometimes they may have lived next door to each other.I was looking for photos of the tornado on the internet, and only got a lot of photos of the disaster, of course. One photo shows a relatively new mobile home which looked as if it had just been flipped upside down. I live in a mobile home (I’m on the Emergency Response Team at our park, which contains over 450 double and triple wide homes.Out here we prepare for earthquakes.)
I once wrote a poem called “Beauteous Destruction” about the many fires which race through the mountains every year. Some are arson related, but California’s “chaparral” is actually meant to be cleared out by fire every decade or so. Mankind builds his cities on the banks of rivers which overflow. He farms the storm torn plains.
The sad truth of the matter is that man and nature are always at odds, and nature is always going to win.
And in this contest, some will perish, and some will survive. Hopefully those who do survive, like you, will care for those in need and remember those who perished.
God bless you. Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
all those little things add up into a big thing and we all can do something to help… it won’t ever feel like enough tho! Thanks for sharing a way we can all contribute!
In my prayers 🙏🙏