April 16, 2013

• And That’s Just Not Right

  

  I just read a post written by my daughter.

  Danged booger butt made me cry.
  It’s okay.
  She let’s me call her danged booger butt.

  She made me realize something.

  I’m holding back from you.

  I’m giving weight to something I shouldn’t.

  Instead of sharing my journey,
  this freaking crazy journey,

  I am sitting on all these glorious things in my life.

  Why, you ask.

  For fear of the ridicule.

  No, not really fear of the ridicule,

  but fear of me getting irritated with those who like to keep everyone in their self-made little boxes.

  Like my daughter says, Meteorology Man and I hardly fall into the category of following the All American Dream.

  I know our plans have been rather unpredictable and ever-changing,
  appearing as though we haven’t a brain in our head,
  and as that may be true,
  we use our heart,
  not our minds to live our lives.

  You don’t choose to love eight children birthed by someone else with your mind.

  It’s not your mind that says, Hey, lets run a dog rescue.

  It’s that sloppy, messy, mushy soft thing in your body that makes those decisions.

  It’s just how we roll.

  So, even though we have wandered all over with the decision to leave Watering Hole Ranch, we have learned much, making each zig and each zag so worth it.

  Some folks’ dreams allow them to stay in the same place for 30 plus years.

  Ours, not so much.

  For whatever reasons,
  our lives,
  our souls,
  our destinations have been ever-changing.

  But, as I realize more and more,
  it’s not the arrival,
  it’s what we see along the way,
  it’s who we meet at each fork in the road,
  it’s what happens in our hearts when we feel our knees shake
  because we don’t really know which way to go.

  Finding it hard to leave the soul things we have connected to during a rest along the cow path.

  I guess what I am trying to say is,
  I have totally pulled back from you for fear of your response.
  Of my own response.

  And that’s just not right.

  I know the majority of you are for me,
  I can feel your excitement and support.

  And for those who may not understand all the changes and uncertainty,
  I need to realize it’s not my place to repeatedly explain and justify our reasons.
  If they never get it, that’s okay.

  We all walk, stumble, crawl a different cow path,
  and if all we take away from life is that one glorious thing,
  well done.

  I have fought hard this next fork.
  Reality can be harsh,
  punching you in the gut,
  daring you to pick up your beaten body from the ground.

  Everything I love is here.

  Everything but health.

  Take away health,
  and the dreams tumble down like a stack of Jenga blocks.

  I have to be honest.
  I have lived dreams,
  taken in the horizons that cause soul to soar.

  I have no place for complaint.
  I have not been denied. 

  There comes a time when we release what needs released
  to take hold of new things.
  Old things down deep, really.

  My body no longer has the capacity to retain its own body heat,
  forcing me to spend even the mild winter of Oklahoma under an electric blanket,
  neglecting all that calls my name.

  There is no strength to tend to all the glorious duties pleasures of Watering Hole Ranch.
  It would not be right to watch its beauty fall down around me,
  because I am too selfish, weak, unwilling to release it.

  After much encouragement from my Hunky,
  we have once again put WHR back on the market.

  If you are not afraid of the zigs and the zags and the uncertain cow path,
  feel free to check out the POSSIBLE place we found to downsize near Tucson, Arizona.
  

  Hey.  It’s nice having you mangy varmints on our journey. 

  

  • 6:48 pm
  • 34 Comments