December 17, 2012

• They Are Here

  Yosemite Sami sets the schedule around here, so I am always up before light these days. There’s no convincing her otherwise. Sometimes I can actually get a few extra minutes by pretending I am still sleeping, but once I stretch or roll over, the jig is up. Sami’s alarm clock echoes off the walls.

  I want to thank you all for giving me the grace to process this weekend’s events. For giving me my space, and letting me write the words, regardless the confusion. There is much I feel like telling you, but it might hurt the one who hurt me. So, I will not. I will process those aches privately.

  I finally took a xanax last night. I needed to soften the energies I feel from across the miles. I would rather let it have its way, I feel I can handle it, but two of my girls flew in last night for Christmas break. They will need their mother’s positive energy. And I theirs.

  They are in the next room, sleeping all nestled in their old beds. I wonder what that feels like. What memories and emotions it brings back for them to dream on pillows of girlhood youth. They are women now. I love this season in my children’s lives, where we get to embrace as friends. Though I will never shake the maternal, this is sweet.

  

   

  　

  I finally opened the mail yesterday. Oh you sweet mangy varmints. I love receiving your holiday greetings, seeing your family smiles. I needed it. Thank you.

  I will wrap the few presents I have for the kids today, after I have pulled my girls close. We will be gathering this weekend to celebrate our Christmas together as more of the kids come out to the ranch. Andrew (youngest son) will be spending it with Jonae’ (daughter)and Drea (granddaughter) in Connecticut. In a sense, we will be spending it together. Maybe we can muster up enough redneck internet juice to Skype.

  Now go forth and love.

   And for those of you who would like a bit of more Gungor, this is not the end. 

   

  • 9:05 am
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